Wednesday, January 19, 2011

HARD DAYS

Hi Everyone!
The last few days have been a bit difficult for me and my family. Memories of our dear sister, brother, and brother-in-law have come to the surface. I read that grieving the loss of a loved one takes 6 months to a year. Hmmmm.... My sister's husband passed Nov, 2009, my sister Dec 2009, and my brother July 4 2010. My thought is, this person who wrote this about grieving never had a love one  or a good friend pass away.
I know I have days that seem OK but I will never get over loosing them. So I have been keeping very busy. Leather, beads, and paint. Keeping my thoughts focused on the task. But the tears well up and finally drop down on the colorful beads. I take another stitch as I blink my eyes and the tears come like the rain outside. 
Who ever said the process of grieving has a time set on it has never lost a loved one or a good friend.  I know so many of you have and are going through the same ordeal. So I know I can tell you this and you will understand, you will not judge me for missing them, for loving them so much, for wishing with all my heart to take back harsh words or actions. Who ever said that I should be over this in  6 months to a year never lost a loved one or a good friend. Be kind to one another, love each other, you never know when they will be gone.

JD,Gayle, and me

 Vince and me
Always in my memory, always on my heart


Honor and Integrity in Life in Art
Nicole/Beadwright

18 comments:

  1. Well Nicole, I have felt the loss of parents, best friends and I will include best pets (which was just as devistating for me).

    Of course there is no time limit for feeling grief. The key is not to let it debilitate you. One day the grief turns to missing (maybe a little less piercing than grief). But you CANNOT dwell on what you should have done or said. Your loved ones look down on you and wish that you would understand that its not important anymore.

    Try to only remember the good times and soon your grief will not seem so strong. Believe me, I know. I really do.
    xx, Carol

    ReplyDelete
  2. (((Nicole)))

    My heart hurts for you. I wish I was close enough to give you a real live hug.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That is a lot of loss for such a short period of time. I don't believe in that theory either. The passage of time does not change how we feel about the loss. I lost my best friend in 1992. Her husband a few years later. I miss them both every day. I still cry for them.
    So don't pay any attention to rules of grieving. There are none.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh I am here for you and thank you for reminding me that a bad day is just that! It has been 10 years since my mom has been gone and it can still hurt like it was yesterday. No judgements just abundence of hugs for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. There is NO time limit on grief. I do think one day that your tears will turn to memories. You will remember them with smiles instead of such a heavy heart. They would want that for you. You had so many losses in such a short time. There is no way that you shouldn't be feeling the way you do. I'd be more worried if you weren't. Hugz to you my dear friend!

    ReplyDelete
  6. HUgs of comfort, peace and love to you and all your special loved ones!
    Victoria

    ReplyDelete
  7. My Father died back in 1991 & I still miss him so much.

    dot

    ReplyDelete
  8. my dear nicole...grieving never stops..it just becomes "less". When we loose a loved one,we can't forget nor stop missing them. there is nothing wrong about having days where you miss them and cry. I still do.my mom's been gone 10 yrs,my twin 4 and my dad 5 yrs. i still cry about my beloved cat Albert who died 15 yrs ago! If you were sitting around day after day,week after week,month after month ..etc,etc..with no interest in anything around you,then I'd be worried and come over to your house! you are dealing with losses in a short time..and that is harder I think! But,you are doing things you enjoy and are reaching out to friends in a very healthy way!!! Talking about how you feel is a great way to deal with your pain. And you are in pain and it's ok! We are here for you anytime,and I feel privilaged that you share your most heartfelt ,personal feelings!
    Sending a big ,warm,loving hug to you!! xoAnn

    ReplyDelete
  9. I miss my Dad. Everyone has to grieve in their own way. There are no rules.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There is no formula or time constraint on grief. And we never get "over it". The best we can hope for is to learn to live with the loss.

    With any luck, time will make it easier. But only because time makes the memories more misty, and less crystal clear.

    Hugs, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm sorry your heart is sad. I can't imagine the ache you feel inside. Thanks for letting us know. We all care about you and our cyberlove will hopefully help you to dry those tears.

    ReplyDelete
  12. They are also not accounting for one after the other after the other after the other.
    Be gentle with your self sweetie.
    Love and huge hugs for your healing heart.

    ReplyDelete
  13. People who give time limits to grief are totally insane.
    There will be always be that ache for our loved ones who have gone before us.
    You have so many deaths back to back, Nicole. That's a lot to handle.
    Just let the tears out on this Hard Day and just sit with your feelings. To me that's the only way to get through a day like this.
    Sending you much love.

    ReplyDelete
  14. There certainly is no time limit on grief--certainly not with the amount of loss that you experienced in such a short time. I hope that in time the memories will be happier ones--you will never stop missing them, that's for sure. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  15. No time limit for sure. I still think of my father in law who passed 20 yrs ago, but it is easier now. He was a special man. My heart goes out to you with the memories still so fresh. Take heart and take your time.
    Hugs,
    Judy

    ReplyDelete
  16. I agree with you Nicole. I don't think you ever stop grieving..it just lessons a bit. You will have "triggers" all of your life to remind you of your wonderful family. I usually allow myself to cry a bit and then move on. To deny myself that, would not be fair to my loved ones. They deserve to be missed.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you thank you thank you. I so love you ladies. You have all given me so much. A hug for each and everyone of you.
    Nicole

    ReplyDelete
  18. Much love and peace to you my friend! I am continuing sending out peaceful positive energy.
    everyone has their own grief time, and everyone grieves differently. Do not not worry about how you are doing. Do the best you can.

    Gentle hugs,
    Susan

    ReplyDelete

I am sorry I had to put a word verification for my comments due to the unsightly spam comments against women. Please take the time to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you.